The idea that nice guys finish last in life is a common one. In business, for example, it is believed that you must be cutthroat if you hope to get ahead.
When it comes to dating, the idea that nice guys finish last is equally as true. Many people see bad relationships where women are dating men that treat them poorly, and attribute their own dating problems to being “too nice.” Yet is it really true that nice guys finish last in relationships?
Is There Any Truth in The Saying “Nice Guys Finish Last”
Weaknesses of Being a Nice Guy
Let’s start with the weaknesses. It’s clearly true that a lot of nice guys are striking out when it comes to finding relationships. Although mostly anecdotal, it’s widely known that if you try to treat a woman really well in order to get you to like her, she’ll almost never like you back.
Being a nice guy also makes you weak against tougher competition. Women who are forced to choose between a “nice guy” and a “bad boy” are going to choose the bad boy, not because he’s a bad guy, but because he’s probably a lot more likely to have the confidence and bravery necessary to win her over. If you’re afraid to make any moves, you’re going to strike out, and nice guys tend to shy away from making moves.
Benefits of Being a Nice Guy
We believe, however, that there are many more benefits to being a nice guy. In fact, it’s more likely that nice guys finish first when it comes to dating – they just take a much longer road to get there. Some of the benefits of being nice include:
• Your relationship will be more satisfying – If you have to act mean in order to find someone to date, you’re going against who you truly are. That will only make your relationship feel less satisfying to you.
• Your relationship is more likely to last – If you find someone that cares about you, she’s much less likely to leave you if you’re nice to her. It may sometimes be difficult to find a woman that is attracted to you and your niceness, but once you do it’s clear that she won’t be going anywhere. Relationships with bad guys often become bad relationships.
• Your niceness puts you at an advantage if she’s attracted to you – One of the hardest parts about being a “nice guy” is that women aren’t always attracted to you. If she is attracted to you, however, then you’re at a serious advantage, because your niceness will make her want to be around you more than any other guy.
Leave Myths Behind
Perhaps most important, however, is that it’s a myth that women are not attracted to nice guys. What women tend to be attracted to are confident, relaxed males. Nice guys tend to not display those qualities. In fact, most nice guys are shy and reserved, while men who are jerks tend to think so highly of themselves that they have no issues showing off their confidence, and that confidence will, in turn, attract a mate.
Nice guys don’t really finish last. Nice guys simply tend to not showcase the behaviors that women are attracted to. If you can act behaviorally like a bad boy but your personality is still nice and kind, you will still have considerable success with women, and you won’t have to sacrifice your values or principles.